The loss of an unborn baby is one of the most profound events parents can face and causes intense grief.
Even after a miscarriage, you may feel empty, both literally and figuratively. Women react differently to a miscarriage. Feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger, disbelief, uncertainty, denial, or jealousy are completely normal. Take time and rest to process the miscarriage.
Talking about it can help. Talk to your husband, your mother, a family member, or a good friend. Writing down your feelings can help. On Facebook, there are (private) groups of women who have gone through the same thing.
As midwives, we will guide you through this. Please let us know if you would like an additional consultation. It is also possible to refer you to a specialist if necessary.
Have you experienced loss during or around pregnancy?
Here are some options that might help you:
You can talk to a psychologist who specializes in grief during and around pregnancy:
+Psychologist Anke Schrage specializes in grief and loss surrounding pregnancy.
Her practice is located on Noordereiland in Rotterdam.
https://www.ankeschrage.nl/therapie/
Literature on Grief and Loss:
A very beautiful and good book about mourning and grief is *Fingerprint of Sorrow* by Manu Keirse.
https://www.liefsvanlauren.nl/product/vingerafdruk-van-verdriet-van-manu-keirse/
A beautiful website about grief and sorrow surrounding pregnancy
https://www.liefsvanlauren.nl/
Beautiful website about bereavement care
Coach/Psychologist Esther Cozijnsen
Esther Cozijnsen specializes in grief and loss surrounding pregnancy.
The emotional impact of loss during pregnancy
Many women go through a difficult time after the loss of their (early) pregnancy. It often has a greater impact than you can imagine beforehand. The physical, but certainly also the emotional impact, is significant. The loss suddenly puts an end to all kinds of plans and fantasies, causing your future to suddenly look different than you thought and hoped.
For some women, it is a comfort that the pregnancy was not right from the start and that the loss was therefore a natural and logical consequence. Emotionally, however, it often works very differently. Chances are you wonder why things went wrong. That you feel you could have done something or refrained from doing something to prevent it. However understandable, these kinds of feelings of guilt are unwarranted.
There is no time limit on when the grief will be over. Everyone experiences it differently and deals with it differently. Allow yourself what you need. The tips below can help you.
What can you do to cope with your loss?
- Take what you feel seriously. Many different emotions may arise: sadness, loss, guilt, disbelief, anger, a feeling of emptiness or loneliness. Perhaps you also feel resignation or relief. That is okay; nothing is strange.
- Talk about it with whoever you feel comfortable with. A friend, your partner, a brother or sister, neighbors, or other parents who know this loss. Of course, you can also turn to your midwife.
- Your partner experiences the loss differently and deals with it differently than you do. That is normal. Discuss the differences in perception and show understanding for each other.
- Do something symbolic. For example, place a beautiful figurine in your cabinet or in your garden. Plant a tree or choose a piece of jewelry as a memento. Write a letter to the child who was here for such a short time, or light a candle occasionally. Make or do something that suits you.
- Read or write about it. There are private Facebook groups where you can read stories from others and where you can also write about your own experience. For women, there is the group ‘Miscarriage Moms’, among others, and for men, there is ‘The Forgotten Father’.
- Luister podcasts (o.a. Miskraammonologen) waarin anderen hun verhaal vertellen.
What if this is not enough?
Merk je dat je energie maar niet terugkomt? Dat je blijft piekeren of huilen? Blijf je je onrustig of neerslachtig voelen? Zie je op tegen een nieuwe zwangerschap? Of ben je weer zwanger en heb je last van angst en spanningen? Gun jezelf dan hulp om je verlies beter te verwerken.
Specialized guidance is available. Esther Cozijnsen is an expert coach/psychologist with lived experience in this field. She supports parents who have lost a child during pregnancy. She helps them cope with the loss and the emotions, so that more peace and confidence can be restored regarding the future and a new pregnancy. She also regularly hosts a FREE WEBINAR on the impact of loss during pregnancy and offers FREE support via email.
Contact her for more information or a no-obligation consultation.
06 24885513
https://www.eccoachingdelft.nl
What are your rights regarding employment?
https://www.uwv.nl/nl/zwangerschapsverlof-bevallingsverlof/miskraam-levenloos-geboren-abortus
Midwives of Rotterdam West
Unfortunately, our experienced midwives have also had to deal with the loss of unborn children multiple times in their work, either during pregnancy or after birth.
We would be happy to help by coming over and talking to you about this grief.
We can also provide advice on grief processing and the psychologists mentioned above.
Even after a longer period, it is still possible to come by the practice to discuss it.
Would you prefer a home visit? Then give us a call, and we will gladly come to your home.
